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It’s Your Birthday Layers Card
'Get Well Soon.' Fuck that, get well now.
50's Domestic Goddess
A balanced diet should not consist of a drink in each hand 
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
A Good Birthday is like Bum Sex
A Perfect Fit
A season full of inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It's Christmas
A Trip to the Moon
A wild night full inappropriate behaviour and debauchery. It must be your birthday
Absolutly Necessary IVodka
Accidentally sent a picture of my cock to everyone in my address book
Acid House Smiley Face
Adults Only STUD
After all those drinks she was still a dog
Age Denial
Air Strike
Alcohol Goes In Fun Comes Out
Alice in Wonderland
Alien Probe - Don't Just Stand There. Probe Me!
All I want for Christmas is plenty of drugs and booze
All I want for Christmas is to escape this madness
All Work And No Play
Almost nobody dances sober on their birthday. Unless they're insane!
Alright Darlin'?
Amazing Birthdays! Retro Planet
Amazing Birthdays! RetroBot
Amazing Sister
American Gothic Blow Job
An erection does not count as personal growth
And now I'm feeling shit...
Another day, another waste of makeup
Another Year
Anuvver Busy Day at Work
Avon Calling
B Boy With Teddy
Be My Valentine
Be my Valentine you Big Man Whore
Be naughty... Save Santa the trip!
Be very cautious when roasting your nuts on an open fire
Beach Party
Beaver Cuts
Been Everywhere, Done Everything...
Berry Christmas x 5 Cards
Best Dad
Best Dad in the World
Better to be an old fart ,than a young shithead
Bi-Polar Bear
Birds Decorating Tree Mini Cards (pack of 5)
Birthday Boy
Birthday Bunting Layers Card
Birthday Donkey Boy
Birthday Ladies Bike
Birthday Typewriter
Birthday Van
Blast Your Blasted Birthday
Blue Caterpillar Hubbly Bubbly
Borderline Mental 'So Crazy in Love'...
Botox? Moi?
Bright red cheeks, big round belly, stout and stocky, neatly trimmed beard... That’s my wife
Brother your a brick. Sorry I ment Prick
Buggery - Stop it! It's Dirty!
But Grandma, what a big...
But I can still hear the voices, Mummy
C is for Cunt
C is for Cunt (Christmas)
C'mon girls ! Let's get pissed!
Calling you a twat would be an inappropriate insult. I like twats
Camden Maid
Can You Please Pretend You're Enjoying Yourself
Cat Woman 'I Knew It'.
Cheer Up! It's Your Birthday
Cheer Up! It's only Christmas
Cheers! Dad I turned out Amazing!
Chillax! It's Your Birthday
Christmas Tree x 5 Cards
Christmas... that wonderful season when the joy of giving is followed by the pain of paying
Christmas... The only time of year when you get to put your hand inside a bird’s arse
Cock In A Box - Be My Valentine
Cocktail Menu
Coloured Camper Vans
Computer Expert - any idea?
Congratulations! You're now officially an old fart
Congratulations. On reaching piss stinking age
Considered Cruel, Stopping Illegal Cockfights Proved Difficult
Cool Britannia
Cool Dude
Cyclops - Salvador Dali
Dad No One Can...
Dad Thanks for putting up with all my shit
Dad, could you be any more amazing
Dad, you're the best. At...
Dad, You're the Dog's Bollocks
Dad, youre the best
Dads Kick Ass
Danger Boy
Darling Xmas Card 'Ho Ho Ho'
David wasn't gay. He just helped out when they were busy
Dear Brother...
Dear Santa, please bring really big dick
Dear Santa, we require Vodka, Rum and Wine and loads of it
Devil Woman
Dick Prick Pecker Cock Schlong Knob Boner
Dicky Mood Chart
Did any of you ladies lose your lipstick?
Did you know that those birds circling your house are vultures?
Did you know? It's as much fun to give as it is to receive Ho! Ho! Ho!
Ding Dong (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Dinner's On Me
Discovering alien technology while peering into your lover’s gape? Not a good sign.
Ditsy Cupcakes
Do I look like a fucking 'people person'?!
Do you actually like the taste or is it humiliation?
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of no one giving a fuck about your Christmas
Do you hear that? That's the sound of no one giving a fuck about your birthday
Do you know you're such a good mate, you’d be the first person I'd call if I murdered someone
Do you think I pass for my age?
Does my snatch look big in this?
Doggie Burnouts
Doggy Happy Hour
Dominatrix - They love every painful moment
Don't Get Long In The Tit
Don’t get yourself shit-faced over Christmas. Avoid Rimming
Don’t get yourself shit-faced. Avoid Rimming
Don’t worry I’ve also forgotten your name. Happy Birthday 
Don’t worry, it’s only gay if your swallow
Don’t worry, when you become senile, you won't even know it.
Don't Get Your Arse About Your Face
Done With Digging
Dorothy Searched
Drunken Twatishness 'Happy Fathers Day'
Dude, WTF is G-Flixx? "I think it's a gay porn site
Eat Drink Merry Layers Cards (pack of 5)
Eat Like A King And Fart Like A Dirty Fat Bastard
Enjoy your day! Now go do that voodoo you do so well
Enornmous Cock
Enough! I’m putting you on my naughty list under Cock Juggling Thunder Cunt
Enough! I’m putting your name down, under cock juggling thunder cunt.
Entirely Organic Lunchbox
Erotic Garter
Especially for you
Ever been Bitch Slapped
Ever Been... Pussy Whipped
Everyone admires all the things you've done
Everyone thought she was a Cunt...
Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.
Everything you like is either immoral, illegal, fattening, addictive or expensive.
Eyeful - Are You Broadminded?
Fa la la la la, la la la lard arse
Facebook Meal Wall Post
Fast Food Apeman
Fed up with your ‘Gay Shit’
Finally a card that doesn't have fuck, wank, bollocks, cock or tosser on
For he's a jolly good fellow
For your birthday, I promise to hold my...
Fresh Fish
From A Secret Admirer
From now on you'll find that every birthday passes with increasing rapidity
Fruit Cordial
Fuck Off You Fucking Fucker
Fuck Off! I'm Smoking
Fuck Your Birthday
Fuckety Fuck
Gardening Tools
Gay Spider-men 'Sorry'
Gayer than a Kylie Ridding A Pink Unicorn
Gentleman's Club
Gentlemen's Xmas Club
Get A Fucking Grip! It's only a Birthday
Get a Grip. It’s only Christmas
Get a Head Now! it's your Birthday
Gifts for Weed Money
Girls & Drinking can ruin your vision terribly
Glad Tidings Bell End
Glad Tidings You Old Goat
Glitter your growler, it’s Christmas
Go Ape - Graffiti
Go Green! Fuck A Vegetarian
Go on Flash your Gusset. It's your Birthday
Go on treat yourself - Have a wank
Going Down for the Count 'Dracula'
Gone Fishing
Good Will'y Henceforth Slobber Gob
Goodwill Henceforth Diarrhoea Mouth
Goodwill Henceforth Grumpy Git
Goodwill Henceforth Scrote
Goodwill Henceforth Shit Fucker
Goodwill Henceforth Tinsel Tits
Goose with Wreath x 5 Cards
Gorilla Mask
Gypsy Fortune Teller
Hallelujah. It’s Snowballing Season
Hanging Man
Happy Alien Birthday!
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday - Go Fuck Yourself!
Happy Birthday (Waitress)
Happy Birthday Bellend
Happy Birthday Big Bollocks
Happy Birthday Bro! You are a fantastic brother and I couldn't wish for better one
Happy Birthday Cocksucker!
Happy Birthday Dear
Happy Birthday from Me and My Pussy
Happy Birthday Go For It Yeah
Happy Birthday INSULTS
Happy Birthday Mentalist
Happy Birthday Now Drink Irresponsibly
Happy Birthday Now Fuck Off back to Economy
Happy Birthday Saggy Tits
Happy Birthday Shit Head
Happy Birthday Space Cadet
Happy Birthday Superhero
Happy Birthday to a Mega Bell End
Happy Birthday To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Happy Birthday to someone that's full of charm and gin, scotch and vodka
Happy Birthday to You - You Greedy Bottom
Happy Birthday to you - you Knob Head
Happy Birthday to you and your Gapping Sloppy Hole
Happy Birthday to you and your Redundant Flange
Happy Birthday to you and your Yeast Infection
Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Clunge
Happy Birthday You and Your Breath of 1000 Dicks
Happy Birthday you Big Girl's Blouse
Happy Birthday you big Knob Jockey
Happy Birthday You Big Man Whore
Happy Birthday You Fine Specimen of Manhood
Happy Birthday you old Fucker
Happy Birthday You Old Goat
Happy Birthday You Old Slapper
Happy Birthday you self centred Macho Prick
Happy Birthday You Total Penis
Happy Birthday. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
Happy Birthday. To a miserable fucker
Happy Christmas from everyone at our Dysfunctional Madhouse
Happy Christmas to a Miserable Fucker
Happy Christmas to a Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Happy Christmas to you and your Breath of 1000 dicks
Happy Christmas to you and your Gaping Sloppy Hole
Happy Christmas to you and your Redundant Flange
Happy Christmas. To a highly acclaimed Cretin Extraordinaire
Happy Fathers Day I think your the best dad in the world
Happy Mothers Day
Happy Valentine. Now take your clothes off!
Happy Valentine's To A Ravenous Handsome Hunk
Happy Valentines Donkey Dick
Have a couple of drinks to celebrate your birthday!
Have A Fabulous Day
Have a fanny flashing boner beating dick splatting Birthday. Wanker
Have A Fantastic Birthday. Preferably Somewhere Else
Have a Good One Arco Card
Have A Super Sonic Birthday
Have a terribly British Birthday
Have you tried Head & Shoulders?
He dead. Sorry...
He’s making a list. He’s checking it twice. He’s realising it’s a logistical nightmare
Help Santa Empty His Sack with a Creampie
Here's some gratuitous man flesh for your Birthday
Hey Birthday Boy, you're how old?
Hey, check out Ed, he's hung like a man
Hey, we gals still have our youth.... He's tied up in the bedroom naked
Hilda regretted leaving her urine sample lying around the house
Hip Hip Hooray Card
His Milkshake really did bring the Boys to the Yard
Hmm... Thats a Wide Stance?
Ho Ho Hammered... Again
HO HO HO x 5 Cards
Hohoho (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Holy Viagra Batman!
Homosexuals are fucking arseholes.
Honey, you always were such a fresh-faced and lovely young thing.
Hope Your Birthday Is A Gas
Hope your Birthday is as lovely as your face !
How do you keep so slim? With a simple daily diet of booze fags & dogging
How do you manage to be such a wonderful mother? Pills and Alcohol
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its cock
How's your drink? Yes, I'd love a blowjob, thanks
Hurry Robin, To the Batcave !
I am sure you're somebody's reason to have a good wank
I am your first of a million lies Ho! Ho! Hoax!
I believe Julia has gone utterly mad this birthday!
I couldn't HELP but notice that you're unbelievably HOT!
I Deserve A Bloody Medal!
I distrust camels... and anyone else who can go a week without a drink
I do believe I'm wasted
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
I don’t want to blow smoke up your arse, but I will if you ask nicely
I don't know what makes you a dumb fuck but it really works well
I Feel Violated. Do it Again !
I feel violated… can you do it again?
I got you a bogey for your Birthday, took me ages to pick it
I have poor circulation, poor vision and terrible hearing...
I hope your Birthday it so much fun that some wee comes out!
I just Let My Mind Wander. Unfortunalely it didn't come back
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
I just want to say? Fuck! you're old
I keep telling myself to stop talking to weirdos. But then I wouldn’t have any friends
I know you sucked the hamster up with the vacuum cleaner
I know you? you're Fuck Face. Happy Birthday Fuck Face
I know you're my brother but you're still a knobhead
I Know Your Real Age Bitch
I Like Your Hair - Complimentary Biscuit
I love every bone in your body... especially mine
I Love Gays but I could not eat a whole one
I Love My Brilliant Boyfriend
I Love My Gorgeous Girlfriend
I love my Penis
I Love My Wonderful Mum
I love the sound you make when you shut up
I love wanking with dead arm... Although, everyone else at the funeral was livid
I love you Mum
I Love You Unconditionally *Terms and Conditions apply
I never know what to buy mummy for Christmas?
I often say to myself. "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"
I put some of my lucky pubes in this card for you
I remember after Christmas mass we would always go snowballing with the vicar
I say no to alcohol, but it doesn't listen
I Shaved My Pussy
I still love Mother Nature, despite what she’s done to you
I understand you are still getting erections?
I understand you're feeling a little queer. Can I have a go?
I used to be addicted
I was going to buy you a kidney dialysis machine, but I didn’t want to take the piss out of you!
I was going to say something rude, 'butt fuck it', Happy Birthday will do
I was going to say something rude... ‘butt fuck it’, Merry Christmas will do
I was wondering, what is the best sexual position to conceive a freak? Can you ask your parents?
I will not be providing batteries for that!
I wish I could be a premiership footballer and be paid lots of money to shag loads of women and act like a complete shit
I wonder what I'd get for my soul on ebay?
I would call you a TWAT but you lack both the depth and the warmth
I would kick you in the vagina but I don't want to lose my shoe
I'd call you a cock, but you lack both the size and strength
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'm Not Gay
I'm not going to sugar the pill. Fuck you're old!
I'm not healing your bloody hangover
I'm Sorry I Slept with your Boyfriend. That's okay, He was Dead
I've lost my phone, I lost all my money. Now I've lost my mind!
I’d insert my foot in your arse. If your head wasn't already in there
I’d say ‘go to hell’, but I don’t want to see you there
I’m no gynecologist but I know a Cunt when I see one
I’m sorry to tell you. Your pussy is so old punters are complaining it’s haunted
I'm A Unicorn
I've shown you a hundred times, Ball Licking is in the Lower Back
Ideal Boy Good Habits
If a dove is the bird of peace, then let the swallow be the bird of true love
If First You Dont Succeed Give Up And Get The First Bus Home
If got was anti-weed, why did He write the Bible
If life doesn't scare the shit out of you. You're doing it wrong!
If you get drunk on your birthday don't worry... I'll let my sex drive
If you jingle my bells. I’ll deliver you a white Christmas
If you were a cockroach I'd have your 300,000 babies
If you were a gay dinosaur? You’d be a Mega-saur-arse
If you were a plant, you’d be a penis fly trap
If you're ‘normal’ please get the hell away from me. I don't want to catch it
If your teabagging? Careful not to strain yourself
If Your're Easily Offended Now would be a really good time to Fuck Off
Im so excited about your birthday I've shat myself
Im thinking we call it... Estro-Gin?
Immoral filth, twisted perversions, compromising positions, intoxicating substances...
In dog years you're dead
In dog years... you're dead.
Incontinence Hotline. Can you hold please?
Incredible. You are living proof evolution is going in reverse
INFORMATION: Please enjoy your birthday but drink responsibly
Intoxication is neither amusing nor mannerly
Is it Time for Your Medication or Mine?
Is the season for giving, 'bend over'
It Is Wine O'Clock Yet?
It was an honest misunderstanding...the dentist said ’open wide’!
It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel
It wouldn’t surprise me if you farted glitter and followed through with tinsel (Christmas)
It's All About Me!!
It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas
It's just not a birthday unless you get blind drunk with all your mates.
It's you birthday Drink Smoke Screw
It's you birthday Let's Get Trashed
It's you birthday You Muggy Bonehead
It's your birthday Shit Dick Cock Sucker
It's your birthday Smeg Head
It's your birthday TWAT
It's your birthday You Old Cunt
It's your birthday You Poleslaw Snot Guzzler
It's your birthday You Soggy Cum Bucket
It's your Birthday! You're probably too drunk to notice
It's your Motherfucking Birthday Shit Stabber
it’s a good job you’re not made of chocolate. I might eat you!
It’s Birthday o’clock the big hand is on the GIN
It’s Christmas time to get absolutely bladdered
It’s lovely to see you at your age, so bitter, mean and full of malice 
It’s nice to be young, healthy and full of energy. do you remember what that used to feel like?
It’s ok you're not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to're a piss head and we get pissed up
It’s ok, the doctor said you won't get mad cow disease because you're a pig
It’s the Christmas season. Let the over indulgence begin...
It's beginning to look a lot like... 'Fuck This'
It's called 'CBF' or medically speaking 'Catastrophic Botox Failure'
It's Your Birthday Bang The Bearded Oyster
Its only kinky the first time
Its Your Birthday Time
Jesus is Watching You
Joint Replacement At 20 and 50
Jokes about being gay aren't funny. Cum on guys!
Just because your donkey ate my chicken, doesn’t mean you’ve got my cock in your ass
Just plucked and stuffed the turkey didn't have the heart to kill it
Keep bad odours at bay. Hang an air freshener from your sagging tits
Keep It Real
Keep this line Free for Sex...
Knockers and Nipples
Last night was slowly coming back to him...
Lenten Rose
Lesbians are fucking bitches
Let's Get You Out Of That Dress
Let's ride the big rainbow to Gayland
Let's Fuck
Lets Get Totally Wasted
Lets see how You like NOT Playing with your Balls for a week
Licked Shut by a Dog...
Little Monster
Look On The Bright Side
Look, you're not going out dressed like that
Look! Mummy's kissing Santa Claws! And that ain't his FACE he's kissing!
Looking Good!
Love Ya
Love You Want You Can't Be Without You!
Loving You Is Easy
Loving you... Is like throwing a sausage down the old kent road
Low Tide
Many Happy Returns Donkey Dong
Many Happy Returns of the Turd Thumper
Many Happy Returns WANKER
Margaret discreetly came up on her third pill of the evening
Massive mistake sending my dyslexic mate a text saying "Can you fetch my wife from home"
Matt was in for the ride of his life !
Men are like laxatives?. They irritate the shit out of me
Merry Christmas (Poster Boy) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (Robby) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (Super Santa) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas (Tree) x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas 'Penguins' x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas and Festive Piss Flaps
Merry Christmas Cunt
Merry Christmas Donkey x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas Fairy x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas Fist Fucker Cum Slut
Merry Christmas Fuck Face
Merry Christmas Get Fucked Up!
Merry Christmas Less Ding. More Dong
Merry Christmas Meltdown
Merry Christmas No Felching
Merry Christmas Now Fuck Off
Merry Christmas Shit Head
Merry Christmas Shit Stabber
Merry Christmas SMEG HEAD
Merry Christmas Waitress x 5 Pack
Merry Christmas Wanker
Merry Christmas with low hanging balls
Merry Christmas x 5 Cards
Merry Christmas You Cock
Merry Christmas You Fuckin Whore
Merry Christmas You Gapping Arsehole
Merry Christmas You Old Cunt
Merry Christmas. Now don't act like a knob
Merry Christmas. Now fuck off out of my face
Merry Fartmas. You filthy dirt animal
Merry Fucking Christmas Ho! Ho! Ho!
Mexican Donkey
Mexican Donkey Man x 5 Pack
Mini Penguins x 5 Cards
Mod Target
Mommy Kissing Santa
Mommy's Working
More crap presents I don’t need!
Mother Fucking Whore
Mother made me a homosexual
Mount Rudolf x 5 Pack
Mr Peterson was delighted with his new rent boy
Mum, thanks for putting up with all of our shit
Mushroom Fairy x 5 Pack
Must I really celebrate your Birthday again...?
My beautiful valentine. Love you!
My grandmother started walking seven miles a day when she was your age?
My handsome valentine. Love you!
My Sodomy Days Are Behind Me
Naked Down The Pub(e)
Natural Look Beavers
Never Darken My Dior
Never let a drag queen do your make-up
Never Put All Your Eggs I n One Basket Sleep Around It's Fun
Nice Caboose!
Nice Christmas tree, will you be putting it up yourself?
Nil By Arse
NO Farting
No one wants to explore Uranus. Stop asking
No Pain No Gain
No Trespass
No! Santa will not be delivering in Uranus
No. Mine was the herb-crusted cod with a rocket and parmesan
No. You look more gay
Note to self: Must not take tranquilisers when doing the housework
Now you are getting older... Perhaps its time to close the beef curtains
Now you're older, you’ll have to stop wanking all the time
Now....whose mind shall I fuck with today.......?
Nympho Maniac
OAP Old and Plastered
OAPs S&M Field Trip
Obsessive Compulsive Cock Sucking Disorder
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Oh A bowl of Shit. You shouldn't have
Oh God, what could I get him for Father's Day?
Oh I just love what you've done with your hair
Oh look a piece of dirt, it must have fallen off you
Oh look. Your husband's drowning
Oh lord, give me patience and give it to me now
Oh, what fun it is to eat.. a monster pussy at Christmas
Oh, what fun it is to ride.. a monster cock at Christmas
Oh! I thought I could smell fish... happy birthday
Oh! I thought I could smell piss... Merry Christmas
Ok, not the best time to say I've been sleeping with his brother
OK, This Yoga thing has really become a problem
Old Fashioned Tools
Olympic Farting 'Happy Fathers Day'
OMFG!! You're how old?
On this special day can I just say? Fuck off out of my face
On this special day every sentence must finish with the words ‘in accordance with the prophecy’ 
On your Birthday one wouldn’t want go to far. How about the elbow?
Once upon a time there was a dick head. It was you
Once upon a time there was a dickhead at Christmas. It was you
Oral sex will make your day Anal sex will make your hole weak
Pauline and Keith always made an effort when they when dogging
Peace on earth? with these fuckin’ fuckers? Ho! Ho! Ho!
Penis Inside the Turkey
People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’ I ordered Penicillin
People are saying ‘you’ve got everything’ I ordered Penicillin ‘Happy Christmas’
People say this card is rude. I say fuck'em!
People who say size doesn't matter are shallow
Performing Dogs
Permanently on the naughty list and loving it
Phozac Viagra Valim Smarties
Pick It Up Bitch
Pink Motors
Play Us A Tune On Your Banjo String
Please Don’t Puke On The Carpet
Please ensure you wash your hands after contact with your mucky cock, thank you
Polite Notice Please Go And Fuck Yourself Thank You
Polite Notice. It's only your Birthday, not a major international crisis
Pool Party
Posing Pouch
Prancer x 5 Cards
Pretend to have sex with the in laws pets
Put Your Feet Up DAD you lazy git!
Queen of the Fucking Universe
Quicky Sex
Rainbow Flag
Real Hobby
Real Men
Red and green should never be seen. Except with a lesbian in between
Red Nose
Relax, the situation is normal. Everything is Fucked Up
Remember the washing machine won't hassle you for weeks after you’ve dumped a load in it
Remember, if we get caught I'm deaf and you don't speak English
Retro Card
Retro Elvis Icon
Right that’s it! Stop being moody and enjoy your birthday
Rockets and Moon
Rosetta Stone. Women: Level 1-6
Rub one out instead
Salvador Dali
Sandy Cove
Santa has the right idea, visit people once a year!
Santa's Favourite x 5 Pack
Santas Ices x 5 Pack
Santas Naughty Helper x 5 Pack
Satan Was A Lesbian
Save The Planet
Screw You
Season Greetings 'Party Bus' x 5 Pack
Seasons Beatings Wanker
Seasons Greetings (Christmas Fairy) x 5 Pack
Seasons Greetings Rudolf x 5 Pack
Seriously, Again?
Shave Your Pussy in the name of Christ Almighty
She Flys
She had been finding it difficult to cope, since becoming a mummy
She was full of the joys of Spring and class A drugs
Shit In My Pocket
Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Birthday
Shit Piss Twat Wank Orifice, Oh I feel much better now...Happy Christmas
Sid James
Silent Night Cards (pack of 5)
Simply, A Cum Whore...
Simply, A Wanker...
Simply, Amazing...
Simply, Ancient...
Simply, Blue Waffle...
Simply, Brownstarfish...
Simply, Buggered...
Simply, Cunt...
Simply, Disgraceful...
Simply, Drunk and Disorderly...
Simply, Embarrassing...
Simply, Fuck Off...
Simply, Fucked...
Simply, Gorgeous...
Simply, Hilarious...
Simply, Love You...
Simply, The Best...
Size Does Matter
Slut Junkie Lesbian Man
Smile If You Had It Last Night!
Snowboarding Penguin x 5 Pack
Snowman (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Snowman Mini Cards (pack of 5)
So many cocks, so little time
So, that's where I left my watch . . .
Sod your soddin Birthday
Soldier Frisk
Somedays You Just Can't Be Arsed
Someone likes you... not me, I think you're a tosser
Sorry but your birthday cake collapsed from the weight of the candles 
Sphincter (Health and Safety Advice)
Spiderman - Sorry
Spiffing Porno Dear
Startling Stories - Fear of the Office
Startling Stories - The Cosmic Fear Factory
Still a Knobhead
Still Looking Hot Birthday Boy!
Stimulus Package
Stop beating around the bush. You will only bruise your bellend
Striped Xmas Tree x 5 Cards
Stuff That Game Bird Up The Arse And Eat It
Style is like 'the clap'
Suck My Cock
Super Hero Blows His Top
Super Mum
Surf's Up
Swinging Birthday
Syphilitic Mangy Crotch-Droppings
Syrupy Goodness
Take it all bitch, there's plenty more where that came from
Texting you a Merry Christmas! ‘Rudolph’
Thanks a lot. The sweater was a huge hit at the dog park
That's an Old Fart
The Big Snowball x 5 Pack
The Cum Belching Gutter Slut Tavern
The Dashing Dog
The Doctor
The Gardener
The Human Santapede
The Man Who Knows
The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune
The Party Starts Here!
The Princess
The Robots
The Scientific Simpleton
The Seal of Approval
The Secret of Staying Young? live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age
The sugar seemed to be kicking in
The terror alert is now between peach and fuchsia and swaying up to cerise
The Twit...chers
The Whole Range (400 items)
Their trip to Buckingham Palace had proven rather fruitful
They broke the mould when they made you
They said no one gives a shit about your birthday. Well I do and did this morning, fresh in your shoe
They said no one gives a shit about your Christmas.
They want the impossible? Those greedy little brats
Things had been a little tense ever since Jack suggested they try anal
Think Big
Thinking Of You
Thinking Of You
Thinking of you... Fist Fucker Cum Magnet Nugget Hunter Knob Goblin
This birthday I demand everyone address you as ‘my Lord’ 
this Christmas it's time to Party!!
This Christmas one wouldn’t want to go too far. How about the elbow?
This Christmas? Eat like a king and fart like a dirty fat bastard
This is bullshit.
This man has a huge cock
This Season Can Fuck Right Off
This Season Celebrate Sodomy
This Season Cum On My Tits
This Season Eat Drink Screw
This Season Get Your Tits Out
This Season Give Blow Jobs
This Season Give Shit In A Box
This Season Give Your Dong A Ding
This Season Have A Party Farty
This Season Humiliate Yourself As Usual
This Season Let Your Balls Hang Low
This Season Let Your Turkey Necks Flap
This Season Lets Get Pissed
This Season Tickle Your Fancy
This Season Try Bugger All
This Season Women Should Suck Cock More Often
This sign is all wonky...
This year we're having Grandma for Christmas dinner. I expect she will protest when we start stuffing
Those mad scientist have crossbred a donkey with an onion. This beast will bring tears to your ass
Time for Birthday cakes and booty shakes
Time for Drinkypoos
Tis the season to be Jolly Stupid x 5 Pack
Titty Mood Chart
To a Special Cum Belching Gutter Slut at Christmas
To A Total Gent Lovely Chap Top Bloke Dude Like Person
To offer someone a mint is polite.
To the best Mum in the World
To the worlds greatest Farter. Sorry I men’t Father
To you and your Babooning Bottom
Today beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Happy Birthday
Today is all about YOU! Tomorrow your a nobody again
Too BIG to Fail
Tourettes Diner Menu
Tourist Information
Tree (Multi-folded) x 5 Cards
Trying to sleep here!!
Urgh! I've eaten something that doesn't agree with me. No you haven't
Urgh! I've eaten something that doesn't agree with me. No you haven't
VALENTINE I've just eaten a whole packet of Viagra (Brace Yourself!)
Valentine My Monkey's been naughty please SPANK HIM
Valentine Your Face or Mine?
Wanna Take A stroll in my Lady Garden
Want a cock that stays up all night? Then crossbreed a rooster with an owl
WARNING The person reading this card loves cock. (Lots of it)
Watching you eat your own cum is disgusting but I can’t look away!
We were going to 'take you out' for your birthday, but we couldn’t get hold of a shooter
We will be there...
Well first the engine will explode and then...
Well Tickle My Fancy Happy Birthday
What A Kerfuffle
What Happens In Uranus. Stays In Uranus
What recession?
When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Binge Drinker
When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Notorious Homosexual
When I Grow Up I Want To Stand Outside
When in doubt Brew Up
When nailing your scrotum to the table, remember to leave the pilers within arms reach
Which Part Of 'Arsehole' Don't You Understand
Which Part Of 'Beastiality Is Illegal' Don't You Understand
Which Part Of 'Fuck Off' Don't You Understand
Which Part Of 'Tea Bagging' Don't You Understand
Whose Birthday IS IT? Fuck Knows I'm Wasted
Will Fuck For Drugs
Will we be eating out of Uranus for Valentines?
Winners don't smoke weed: Champions do!
Wishing You A Merry Christmas x 5 Pack
Wishing You A Wonderful Birthday
WOAH! Too much information!
Wonder Mum
Work For Idiots
Would Daniel ever find his way to Bumsexland ?
Would you like to stroke my pussy?
WOW! It's Your Birthday
Yes you’re old, but the important thing is I am young
Yoga Sucks
You are such a slut, we will have to bury you in a Y shaped coffin
You couldn’t be any more stylish, influential and charming. Have a great day!
You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by ‘for your age’
You know you’re old, when you fart and your pelvis snaps
You know you're old, when you laugh and tears run down your legs
You look familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before?
You Look Great for Your Age - Almost Life-Like
YOU made me gay
You seem to have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit
You Sexy Thang
You Shit Rainbows
You should see my doughnuts
You should see the state of my mimsy
You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, they're more fucked up than you think
You're a cheap good for nothing whore
You're a dirty minded out of control pervert, not a problem with me
You're always putting your foot in it. Stop it, it’s beyond kinky!
You're Blinding !
You're not a complete idiot...some parts are definitely missing
You're old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. ‘Happy Birthday’
You're so special... Get well soon!
You've Still Got it! It's a shame nobody wants it
You’ll have to stop wanking over Christmas. It’s embarrassing when people visit
You’re getting fuck all
You’re not over the hill yet. Keep walking!
You’ve got loads of friends, everyone loves you at the lunatic asylum 
You're A Twat But I Like You!
You're So Old I Kept the Receipt...
Your age and still craving for cock? This must be penile dementia
Your body should be a temple, not a genetically modified distillery
Your Pet Unicorn
Your stupid illness is robbing me of attention so get well soon
Your're A Wanker

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